There is no such thing as the right thing

When Nolan came back from his July vacation with a new girlfriend, I thought my heart was broken. But I was just being overly dramatic. After two weeks it was same old, same old. One night in August, he was so drunk I gave him a ride to his hotel. We made out and he said that he loved me. I did not feel anything at the moment. So I went home. The next day he didn't remember what had happened. Now we're back to being friends, maybe even closer than we used to be. The tension is gone.

Work is stressing me out more than ever. I am trying to hold on to the staff members that want to leave us, while shaking off the threatening vibes I get from others. When I walk through the offices and halls, I try to talk to as many people as I can. It is difficult. When you focus on the big picture, you lose sight of the small details. Once my boss gives up on us and moves back to hometown, other bosses will jump right at my throat and crush me. Greg who is about to hand in his resignation, suggested I write a book. Who would even read shit like that. It sounds like a very bad daytime soap opera.

Adding to the drama, I have been responding to some advances from Percy. Back in May/June it'd felt like there was something there between us. A couple days later he told me he was about to become a father. I spent two days mending my broken heart realizing there was nothing there. It didn't take long. Now I guess I hadn't been imagining things after all. I have been alone and vulnerable ever since I got here, but I also know the Percy thing makes me a bad person.

And then there is Mickey. Recently he started traveling to our customers all across Europe, so we barely see each other any more. We have been talking over the phone for weeks. Mickey also has a girlfriend back home in Asia, so he would never take the first step. I believe it wouldn't work out with us anyway. Not that it could work out with Percy either. None of it would.

This remote Bavarian workplace is a messed up playground and it brings out the worst in people who used to be kind or stupid. My boss told me to never lose my carefree nature or grow up and stop doing the right thing. Well guess what, boss, I have to protect my own skin if you're not doing anything to protect it. I need a raise to put up with this crap for the long run.