Must be karma (XI)

Look, half a year ago we've been through this. Before that we've been through this as well. Recently, a few confusing texts left me even more confused and disturbed than ever. I think I finally found myself ready to let go and move on. A few of my closest friends had been total let downs, so I tried to give it another shot with Ian. Or maybe I just wanted to see if we could get past everything and be on speaking terms again. Despite of his confession that he had genuine strong feelings for me (even now), I can't help but remain suspicious. There is nothing worth saving, I can honestly say that (again) right now. Having figured that out, I am alright with how I wasn't able to save things and how everything turned out. Maybe I'm also a bit relieved we're not close anymore, as I can't possibly be keeping up appearances forever. I'd like people to think that everything is fine all the time though. I actually don't enjoy lying and being secretive, it just seems that way. It has become a second nature,