Happy holidays

I've always enjoyed listening to Christmas music and I have to say this is one of the best Christmas LPs ever produced. They make it sound current and not cliche at all. I've been playing the piano all week, my neighbors must hate me. Happy holidays to all of you!

Something is holding you back

Something is holding you back. I know you're too scared to let go of the past, start over and have a real shot at happiness. I have to go now, so I can be free and give it a shot. This isn't about not wanting to wait around for you to be finally ready. You know nobody can solve your issues but yourself. This isn't about having met at the wrong time in our lives. You can't make something work that isn't supposed to work out, not this time. I choose to walk away. I choose to be happy.

Frustrating

We want what we can't have. We want it so bad. We can't remember why we want it. We don't even like it that much. We just can't stop thinking about it.

Are you gonna kiss me or not

I love this song! Especially in the beginning, when they're still at the dating stage, the lyrics seem very interesting. Anyone can relate to that.

My favorite time of the year

Pusheen the cat from http://www.pusheen.com

I'm one of those who totally enjoy Christmas shopping, particularly online. ^^ This year I'm surprisingly on time with having all the presents shipped from overseas and all. I'm so excited, I couldn't resist to buy myself a set of everything I got the girls too... 

Tomorrow is this huge Christmas party. A lot of people wanna show up as Santa, Christmas trees, elfs and reindeers. I think I'm gonna go as an angel and freeze myself to death in a lace LWD. It's certainly hard to keep up with those fearless trees and animals. I'm gonna need help putting that make up on without looking like a clown. I've been practicing and watching YouTube tutorials for a couple days, but I still look hilarious. It's worse than when I bought my first own lipstick. How's that even possible. Back then I looked funny with lipstick all over my face, now I look like on crack and having cried all night about it.

PS: The white angel wings are nowhere to be found, someone must have thrown them out. They can't be hidden that easily, they are quite noticeable. This is a last minute disaster! I got a pair of smaller red wings, do I have to go as the devil instead???

Fast or not at all

Seriously, a friend of mine has celebrated his birthday 2 weeks in advance, since he believes the world is going to end on his actual birthday (12/21). If it really were true - which it's not - I'd wish for a quick and painless death. Why would we have to suffer? There's just no point. Whenever I have to face a difficult chapter in my life, whether a bad thing happens or a good thing does not happen, I know it is somehow meant to be. I struggle, but I try to remind myself it'll be over eventually and maybe I'll walk out of it stronger and better prepared for what's to come. Maybe I'll know how to handle myself when it really matters (the next time or something). The world can't just end like this, it can't be all for nothing.

Haven't made your mind up yet? Then think faster!

Begin Again

Moving on

If things were really meant to be, they shouldn't be so hard, should they?

I had gotten my heart broken a few times before it occured to me that I had to do something to not let it happen ever again. That's how I wound up with a rebound. It was simple, it was comfortable. I was allowed to just be myself, or try to become the person I wanted to be (someone who makes relationships work) with no pressure at all. There were no such things as jealousy, nagging, or huge arguments whatsoever. It was like nobody even cared. They don't call it rebound for no reason. When that also came to an end, I decided to be on my own for a while and not get involved with anyone I couldn't see spending my life with. 

Of course I didn't wanna be the couple that was fighting all the time, but I'd really missed having that sort of spark and excitement. Until recently, I'd never asked a guy out in my life. People kept telling me it was no big deal. Furthermore, I had never gone on a date unless I really liked that guy already. 

So that's something I have to figure out as well. When I get asked out, I know for a fact that the attraction is mutual. (Unless I mess it up on the date.) Now that I am in charge asking someone out, there is absolutely nothing I can be sure of. Why does it have to be so hard? I'm not saying everything has to be obvious and laid out in the open, but a little more straightforwardness wouldn't hurt, would it?

Why don't you give me your Weibo/Twitter, you know, just in case

Everybody knows if a guy hasn't called or left a message on Weibo/Twitter/Facebook/whatever after three days, he is probably not that interested after all. And we should not let our best friend talk us into making a move, because guys actually do call if they're interested. This rule however does not always apply to the Asian community. (Some sick part of their culture which I will never fully understand.^^) So let's assume many Asian guys are overly shy (=insecure) or into playing little games, either way we shouldn't want any part of it. We don't want to put up with this high school crap. Or waste our time and energy for nothing - which we will! I'm aware of all that, then why am I agonizing over it? -_-' If this really is scheming and attention-seeking, it's working.

PS: Well since I haven't met anyone like that before, I have to admit, I was intrigued at first. When I was able to think clearly again, I wanted to call off the whole thing. Then a friend of mine suggested, we couldn't let this guy just walk away like that without teaching him a little lesson. So I guess it is on. It is so f*** on right now.

ABC's Nashville

You know I'm a huge fan of country music, which is why I've started watching this new TV Show Nashville in the first place. So what am I thinking after 7 episodes?

The plot is just about alright, nothing ground breaking has happened yet. I can't think of one single character that is particularly likeable, which is a disaster. Maybe the writers thought creating all those annoying characters with their own little flaws would make the show relatable, unfortunately this is not the case. I had some hopes for the Scarlett/Gunnar constellation, but not only is their storyline not moving forward at all (like everybody else's storylines) - in fact it got completely stuck - their songs are very monotone too.

I assume Hayden Panettiere is supposed to represent this new country pop generation of The Band Perry etc., but then again the sound could definitely be a lot catchier or the lyrics should tell some sort of story. I haven't found myself singing or humming along, have any of you guys?

I really want to like the show, so there should be at least one person or couple I look forward to watching every week. I used to love Hayden on Heroes, can't say that about anyone on Nashville. Maybe you need to give it more time like that other Southern family show Hart of Dixie. It's just that Hart of Dixie does have a few funny characters.

Tribut an Country Musik

In Deutschland ist Country definitiv nicht sehr verbreitet. Jedes Mal wenn ich sage: "ja, Mainstream ist catchy, aber zieht euch mal Südstaaten-Country rein" kommt ausnahmslos ein verwirrtes "meinst du Taylor Swift oder wie" zurück. Ist das die einzige Person, die euch einfällt? Johnny Cash zu nennen wäre wohl zu altmodisch, aber manchmal habe ich sogar Zweifel, ob Taylor überhaupt eine Countrysängerin ist. Sie ist durchaus ein begnadeter Songwriter. Wenn diese Songs noch von jemand anderem gesungen werden würden, würde ich in Ohnmacht fallen. 

In den Staaten ist die Musikrichtung nicht nur bei Senioren und bei Cowboys beliebt. Der amtierende American Idol Gewinner ist das beste Beispiel. In der Jury von The Voice sitzt ein Countrystar. Reba McEntire tritt im März in Mannheim auf. Omg, bring Tim McGraw mit! Vielleicht sollte man Taylor Swift dafür gratulieren, dass andere Länder wie Deutschland endlich etwas damit anfangen können. Das ist immerhin auch eine Leistung.

Break even

Jede nette Seite hat auch eine Rueckseite.

Wenn man so lange nichts gefuehlt hat, trifft es einen umso haerter, wenn das Blatt sich wendet. Es ist neu oder wie aus einem vergangenen Leben. Und es tut obendrein weh. Es ist schwer zu sagen, welche Situation noch unangenehmer ist als die andere. Aber letztendlich geht es darum das Richtige zu tun, nicht so sehr darum, den moeglichst angenehmeren Weg fuer sich herauszupicken.

Ich sollte mich freuen. Zum feinen Abschluss werde ich The Scripts Breakeven spielen. Wunderbarer Titel. Aber gut, dass ich nicht laenger diese Person bin. Die Zeit heilt wirklich alle Wunden. Manchmal ohne dass man es merkt.

Demenz

Mein Großvater sagt, es ist immer nur eine Frage wie schlecht die Dinge inzwischen stehen. Nicht so sehr, ob Oma mal einen guten Tag erwischt hat. Ich komme mir hilflos und lächerlich vor. Meine eigenen Probleme kommen mir lächerlich vor.

Untitled

I don't like to display emotions and be overly emotional. Something has definitely changed and it makes me feel uneasy. I wish I could turn it off right away and go back to feeling empty. Emotions are really distracting. I don't wanna eat, I just feel bad. Although it shows I'm not entirely dead inside yet, I'm not sure this is a good thing.