Rebound

After the holidays I feel lonely for a few days. With Ian it's the other way around. He has to spend the holidays on his own and is probably relieved that Christmas is over. I haven't heard from him until yesterday. Even though I understand that he must be going through a hard time, not hearing from someone in days usually means he is not that into you. Or worse, you're just a rebound. Getting rebounded is worth less than getting friendzoned. When you're in the friend zone, he may still respect and enjoy to hang out with you (as friends). As a rebound you are nothing. I must know all about it, I almost can't remember the last meaningful relationship I had. I can be stone-cold when it comes to those things, switch off emotions like electricity. That's what Stan is experiencing right now, brushed aside overnight. But as much as I'd like to pretend the Ian thing doesn't bother me, it does a little. I'm never quite as tough as I'd like to be.

Heart of stone

Okay, it's not like Ian is my type or anything. Ian is the hot guy that probably wouldn't notice me if we were still in highschool. I can smell the trouble from a hundred miles away. Do I believe he suddenly might be interested? Possibly. Do I believe he might be the real deal? Are you kidding, certainly not. Would I go out with him if I got asked? Not entirely out of the question.

I've also been taking it extremely slow with Stan. And now I know why. I did like him from the moment we met, but what difference does it make? Do I believe he is the real deal? Most certainly not. Are his texts starting to get on my nerves already? Probably. Do I feel trapped (before anything even started)? Maybe a little. Stan is a very private person, Nev thinks I'm the only person Stan has opened up to. I don't think that's true. We may be talking all the time, but I still don't know anything significant about him. I don't think he knows what he is dealing with and how to handle what's coming. I'm not the one for Stan, that's for sure.

At no point have I lied to anyone. I've always been open about not looking for anything serious. I don't necessarily feel guilty, though I do feel like I should be. I feel like I tricked everyone, except for Nev. For a brief second I felt a little alive again, now I feel more trapped. We all wish we could fix what's broken. But the heart is stone-cold and stone won't melt.

Christmas actually

Lately I've been Christmas shopping a lot. It's easy to find nice things for the girls in my family, they all want Korean beauty products. Once you go Korean there is no going back (to western cosmetics)! ;) It's so much harder to find something for the guys in my family. My Uncle is allergic to alcohol and Asian parents don't read German books obviously. I'm almost relieved my cousin T is not in the country, but he is so vain, no doubt he'd appreciate new clothes... Next weekend my cousin N and I are going to bake cookies for our dads. Aw, Christmas is my favorite holiday in the world.

Stan told me that he got me a little something too. I don't hate the idea, but I'd rather receive nothing, as I have no idea what to get him in return. The pressure is on. We went out yesterday and it felt a lot like a date. I'm totally enjoying the taking it slow part now. And the sneaking around behind our friends' backs. It keeps the intensity up and the anticipation on. I don't know if Pansy will kill us or not (most certainly she will), I'm just trying to have a great time. She already is in a very bad mood, because Stan won't respond to her texts, which is why she calls Nev everyday to complain about it. Nev thinks being overly protective of Pansy is doing her no good.

Friendzoned (Part XII)

There are a few things that I recently noticed about Stan. Remember the first time we met, I thought "what a handsome, but arrogant guy!" Since then it happened twice that we entered a room together, but he didn't offer me the closest seat available. He just sat down, like I wasn't even there. Of course women are more independent nowadays.. Besides, thanks to Stan's behavior I got to sit with some other great guys. But still! This self-centeredness is not exactly a quality any girl is looking for in a potential partner OR friend. I'm glad that I didn't rush into anything. Writing about it makes me despise him even more, though you can't deny the crazy chemistry between us. Sometimes just the slightest touch makes it hard to breathe. Sometimes I want to beat the crap out of him. Nev says that we constantly bicker like little kids. Do I smell serious trouble?

Friendzoned (Part XI)

We texted this morning and like it was the most normal thing in the world, he just let it slip that he liked me. What the... I was totally taken by surprise. How was I supposed to react? What was I supposed to say? Was there even a question that needed an answer? I'm not entirely an ice queen, I'm just not good at expressing feelings and stuff. Exactly one of those situations I'm usually not comfortable with. That's why I pretended nothing had happened. Yes, I ignored it.

Friendzoned (Part X)

I don't have a lot of girl friends. I'm more like one of the guys, someone who jumps up and down and yells at the TV when football is on. When Pansy came talking to me a few months ago, there was this instant connection, I just knew we would get along. That's what I thought. During the last few days, she'd been kinda distant. I didn't think about it that much, maybe she was busy.

Yesterday Stan told me that him and Pansy had gone out once a while back. Although he felt there was nothing there, she'd been hoping there'd be more than just friendship. He said he wanted to be honest with me, he also believed that she'd already accepted nothing would ever happen between them. I wasn't so sure about that. She might be over him, but she'd totally freak out again if I went out with him.

I can't say that I'm glad about this revelation. I can't even appreciate the honesty, because it changes things. I asked L for advice and this is what I got.
"Girl Code or no Girl Code?"
"As long as she hasn't told you herself, then there is no Girl Code!"
"Never heard of this rule before."
"You don't know anything. Are you supposed to read her mind or what."
"So much for becoming a girls' girl."

There is a reason why I have never dated male friends of mine before. This could get real ugly. When things get complicated, I'd rather run off. You can do that to a date, but you can't do that to your friends. Tell them, Zac Brown...

Friendzoned (Part IX)

There have been more mixed signals over the last few days, leaving me curious and unsettled. Now that I can't have it, I want it even more. This is nuts. Once you decide to break out of the friend zone, there is no going back. It's frightening. I'd like to wait until New Year's Eve at the least, because anticipation is the best part of anything and everything. I don't know what will happen afterwards, but it sure as hell won't be as exciting as right now.

[World Cup 2014] Group Stage Participants and FIFA Ranking

Group A: Brazil (11), Croatia (18), Mexico (24), Cameroon (59)
Group B: Spain (1), Netherlands (8), Chile (12), Australia (57)

Group C: Columbia (4), Greece (15), Ivory Coast (17), Japan (44)
Group D: Uruguay (6), Costa Rica (31), England (10), Italy (9)

Group E: Switzerland (7), Ecuador (22), France (21), Honduras (34)
Group F: Argentina (3), Bosnia and Herzegovina (16), Iran (49), Nigeria (33)

Group G: Germany (2), Portugal (14), Ghana (23), USA (13)
Group H: Belgium (5), Algeria (32), Russia (19), South Korea (56)


Gruppen A/B:
In Gruppe A haben Brasilien und Mexiko "Heimvorteil". Kroatien ist ein unangenehmer Gegner, aber ob sie sich auf südamerikanischem Boden durchsetzen können, ist eine andere Frage. In Gruppe B geht man davon aus, dass Spanien und die Niederlande weiterkommen. Dabei sollte man jedoch nicht missachten, dass Chile sehr starke Individualisten hat und in Südamerika zu Hause ist, und die Niederlande wiederum bei der letzten Europameisterschaft in der Gruppenphase mit 0 Punkten ausgeschieden sind. Gruppe B wird ein Kampf auf Biegen und Brechen um den ersten Platz, da keiner dem Gastgeber Brasilien bereits im Achtelfinale begegnen möchte. Auch Brasilien ist nicht zu beneiden.

Gruppe C/D:
Kolumbien ist meiner Einschätzung nach nicht stark genug, um sich als Gruppenkopf zu rechtfertigen, Uruguay hingehen schon eher. In Gruppe C ist es schwer zu bestimmen, wer neben Kolumbien weiterkommen würde. Japan hat ein dynamisches Team mit schnellen Offensivspielern, die Elfenbeinküste hat mit Didier Drogba einen Ausnahmestürmer. Gruppe D ist da weitaus interessanter. Italien wird sich wahrscheinlich als Gruppenzweiter durchmogeln, während England zum jetzigen Zeitpunkt nur Außenseiterchancen hat. Im Achtelfinale sehe ich keine besonders packenden Szenarien, um ehrlich zu sein.

Gruppe E/F:
Es ist mir ein Rätsel, wie die Schweiz es im FIFA Ranking so weit nach vorne geschafft hat, während ehemalige Weltmeister wie Frankreich und Italien weiter hinten bangen müssen. Frankreich hat mit Gruppe E jedoch ein Glückslos gezogen, die Gegner scheinen alle mittelstark. In Gruppe F hat Argentinien nicht nur für die Gruppenphase Schwein gehabt - lediglich Bosnien scheint halbwegs schwer zu besiegen - sondern auch ganz offensichtlich für das kommende Achtelfinale.

Gruppe G/H:
Deutschland und Portugal sind dafür bestimmt einander zu begegnen, so habe ich das Gefühl. Auch wenn C. Ronaldo momentan in der Form seines Lebens ist, bin ich nicht beunruhigt um den Gruppensieg. In Gruppe H befindet sich mit Belgien ein kleiner Geheimfavorit. Komplett ohne südamerikanische Beteiligung gehe ich davon aus, dass Deutschland im Achtelfinale auf Russland treffen könnte, was ein machbarer Gegner wäre. Es würde mich nicht wundern, wenn wir es im Viertelfinale schon wieder mit Argentinien zutun hätten, wie schon bei den letzten beiden Weltmeisterschaften. Jedes Mal dachte ich, es müsste ein Wunder für uns her, und es gab stets ein Wunder. Unter normalen Konditionen wären wir inzwischen die bessere Mannschaft, ob auch in Südamerika wird sich noch herausstellen.

Friendzoned (Part VIII)

It seems like I might have scared him off with my inability to express emotions and embrace them like normal people do. This was the plan, right? I wanted us to be just friends. Now I can go to the New Year's Eve party and not worry that Stan will be right there watching if other guys are hitting on me or not... It's the right thing to do, I just don't feel relieved yet. In fact, I regret it a little. I wish I could take it all back and say something like "Hey Stan, I liked you from the second I first saw you" instead. But I'm not that romantic of a person.

Friendzoned (Part VII)

Just when I was about to think that we weren't a good fit, Stan asked if we were headed towards friend zone or possibly more than that. That was one hell of a straightforward question...! I told him as honestly as possible that I would be lying if I said there was absolutely nothing there. BUT it was also bad timing. After much talking it seemed like everything was good between us, although I knew that it was going to be hard to move past it like nothing happened.

So the next day we hung out with Nev. It turned out to be the most awkward get-together ever. To make matters worse, Stan seemed tense as well. And it was his birthday.