You won't see me fall apart

So Percy told me this morning that nothing could happen between us. It hurt a little, but there was a lot of relief. I mean it's better sooner than later, right? If it already hurts physically now, how will it feel later down the road. I can't be so vulnerable and exposed, particularly not because of someone like Percy. It's not worth the heartache, it's not worth compromising my position at work. Yesterday and all week I've been over the moon. Now it seems like it's been a bad fantasy. I guess someone is out there shielding me from the real pain. I just don't know what I am doing anymore. I'm gonna cry a little about my own stupidity and then move on like I always do.

A few months ago I said to Nolan that I couldn't picture myself living in the countryside for long, it would be way too lonely for me. When I wanna cry I listen to Sia's Elastic Heart. Why does my chest hurt so much, I don't understand it at all. I could say that I wished Percy had never approached me like that, however, it's not completely true. It felt different to dream a little again. The heart wants what it wants and now it will take more than two days to mend it.