Friendzoned (Part VI)

Winter is coming, I've been sleepless and appetiteless lately. I have this picture of myself standing alone in a crowded street at night, while heavy snow is landing on my head. Winter may already be here.

A divorced colleague of mine complains about not having a special someone in his life, not knowing what to do on a Sunday afternoon. I don't mean to be harsh, but if you feel empty when you're on your own, you aren't gonna be fulfilled when you're with someone.

I had another date-like experience with Stan yesterday. It felt like there could be something there, although nothing happened again. When I look at him right now, I don't regret taking it slow. Despite the chemistry, I still don't know anything about him. Pansy just told me that Stan wasn't gonna go out with us next weekend. I didn't ask where he would be instead. Maybe he was visiting his family, maybe he had other plans. But next weekend suddenly didn't seem fun anymore.

I know this sort of feeling, it can't be happening again. If this is a side effect of feeling alive, then I'd rather be dead inside. How hard will it be in a couple of weeks or months? It's just too hard, I can't deal with it.

Friendzoned (Part V)

The movie on Monday was so bad, I forgot to write about that dude (let's call him Stan). We were actually sat next to each other, but only spoke when the film started and when it ended. Later when all of us went home and I was looking forward to talking to him alone, this other mutual friend of ours (let's call him Nev) decided to walk with us. I mean, really?? His place was the complete other direction! My sis thought Nev's behavior was suspicious too, but what did I care? Maybe this whole Stan thing just wasn't meant to be.

The minute I got on the subway feeling defeated, I received a text - and it was from Nev! How easy and natural it is for some people to just text and say hello. That's it, I decided to send Stan a message. He texted back and asked if I wanted to see another movie on Wednesday, in English. I asked if anyone else was coming. He said there might be another girl from the group. Another girl? Fine with me. I'm not worried about other girls, I'm worried about what I'm doing. Let's be honest, do I look like the movies kinda person? I haven't been to the movies in months, now it's going to be 3 times in a fortnight.

On Tuesday, it turned out that the other girl wasn't gonna come. Stan seemed pretty excited about the movie. We texted back and forth all day. There were mixed signals, I wasn't quite sure. He mentioned that he rarely ever watched anything in English, as he only understood like 70% of it. Who in their right mind would suggest an original version then? But who am I to judge, I'm the crazy person who goes to the movies twice this week and misses the UEFA Champions League.

Wednesday night went alright, I think. I couldn't tell if this was a date or not. It was a little awkward, especially when he patted me on the back to say hi and goodbye. I could have reached out for a hug, but I didn't. Definitely taking it slow, girl, definitely taking it slow. Before you know it you're getting friend zoned. On my ride home I was a little angry with myself. Five minutes later, Stan texted to announce he got home. It kinda saved the day. He suggested that we could do it again if there was a good movie to catch. Maybe it wasn't so bad after all.

All Is Lost (2013, USA)

The movie All Is Lost (2013) copied the storyline from Life of Pi (2012, USA), leaving out the tiger and the beautiful scenery. Considering the tiger was the best part of the storyline, this movie was rather dull. Apart from a short monologue in the beginning, the main and only character Robert Redford spoke exactly 3 times. He said "SOS!", "Help!" and "Help!" or something. Pi from Life of Pi at least was smart enough to talk to himself and communicate with the tiger. In Cast Away (2000, USA ) Tom Hanks found a way to entertain us as well, despite being alone on an island for years.

While the sailboat turned over and over, the camera angle was so bad, I got seasick after 15 minutes and had to close my eyes for another 20 minutes. The audience hated the movie. Everyone thought Redford was meant to die, since he was the unluckiest fella in the world and God obviously didn't want him to survive. When all seemed lost, a mysterious hand appeared out of nowhere and rescued him from drowning. During the credits "Our man" Robert Redford was the only cast member listed. So whose hand was it then? Was it the hand of the tiger, as it wasn't worth mentioning? People say this was one hell of a performance from Robert Redford. Maybe he was good. Compared to Cast Away though, nobody can beat Tom Hanks at his craft, can they?

Friendzoned (Part IV)

Okay, we were supposed to meet up this weekend, but he informed us that he wouldn't make it. Instead he asked if a smaller group was interested in catching a movie on Monday. At first I was a bit disappointed, because I'd been thinking about make-up and clothes all day. Then I got over it really fast, because the rest of us had a great time together and I didn't need to worry about making a fool of myself.

A couple of days ago, a mututal friend passed all our phone numbers around. So we texted each other for a brief moment, but that was it. Right now, I can't even remember what his face looks like. I have no idea what to expect and I'm not as excited any more. That doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing. Nothing can go wrong if there are no expectations, right? I usually don't get involved with friends, although it felt really tempting last week.

[International Break] Friendly Games in November

Four days ago I already ranted about our inability to ever defeat Italy. But today is a new day - solid ball possession, great defending (Wow! What just happened?!) and even scoring after a corner (OMG, this is a once-in-a-lifetime moment!). We won 0-1 with a B-side (lacking the likes of Neuer, Lahm, Schweini, Gündogan, Özil, Müller and Klose) against England's A-team at Wembley. The only regulars on the field were probably Mertesacker, Boateng, Schmelzer and Reus. I haven't been so proud of our team in a while. Why can't we be this confident when facing Italy?

It's not like our reserves are weak, we definitely have an overall strong squad. Most of them wouldn't get benched if they played for any other team in the world (Höwedes, Hummels, Kroos, Götze, Draxler, Schürrle, the Bender twins etc.) We just need to seize our opportunities and never neglect the defense. Sven & Lars Bender played 90 minutes as double CDMs for the first time ever, which was quite fun to watch. At times the TV commentators couldn't keep up any more, "Bender passing to his twin brother, the other Bender!" Roman Weidenfeller made his well deserved debut, it certainly was emotional even for someone who does not support Dortmund. All we need now is to be prepared for the South American climate, uh oh.

What else is new? Sweden didn't make it to the World Cup through Playoffs. I feel a bit sorry for them, as they played really well against us in the Qualifying Round. I guess Portugal wanted it more, C. Ronaldo's hat-trick was unbelievable. France made the impossible possible by defeating Ukraine 3-0 at home after having lost 0-2 away. You gotta respect that.

Friendzoned (Part III)

The heart wants what it wants. Or is it the hormones?

It's been a while since I've had such a hard time following through with my own rules. It's bad timing, it's personality differences, it's my own issues, most importantly it affects a new group of friends that I can't risk losing. Coming into this group, neither did I expect nor did I want to meet someone. I knew I'd mess it all up, it most certainly wouldn't be worth a shot.

But here we are now - struggling. This is the first time in a long time that I feel a little bit alive again. We have great chemistry I think. Maybe being able to hang out as friends is better than having nothing at all. By the end of next week I'll know if I'm doing the right thing. I hate to wait this long. Suddenly experiencing all kinds of confusing emotions is overwhelming, although not entirely in a bad way.

Friendzoned (Part II)

First of all: Thank God I went out tonight and didn't endure the friendly game between Italy and Germany! I had predicted a 1-1 draw, that's exactly how it turned out and I wasn't there to jump right at Coach Löw's throat through my TV. Luckily the TV survived! Coach Löw not so much though, I'm sure social media is not so forgiving. This guy will never be able to defeat Italy, everyone knows it, he must know it too.

The other good thing is, I met someone tonight. Some hottie with a great sense of humor who is a bit arrogant. Probably a little out of my league, but I was surprisingly relaxed around him and did not act like an idiot. (At least I hope so, haha.) Sometimes knowing you can just be friends helps, as you won't try too hard and everything will come naturally. Sometimes we need to keep an eye on the overall picture. Sometimes things are just not meant to be. We better accept them, as we can't go through the same heartache again.

Generals of the Yang Family

Back in the Song Dynasty, the Yangs were a legendary four-generations family of male and female war heroes. Even though I've seen tons of movies and series about them, each time there is a new one, I can't help balling my eyes out. It's like knowing the outcome, but never being able to accept how and why it happened in such a cruel way. I enjoyed watching and sobbing through Saving General Yang (HK movie, 2013), it's just that in 90 minutes they barely scratched the surface. The Yangs went on to rebuild an army just as strong led by widows and orphans. It's one of the most inspiring stories I've ever heard.