Where Rainbows End

This time it wasn't so much about bad timing. This time it was more about coming to terms with all the bad timings. And realizing that after so many bad timings over the course of 13 years, it wasn't ever going to happen. Shane and I had known each other for 16 years. We met when we were freshmen in junior high, became friends before graduating. I went on to study in the UK, while he stayed. Everytime I came home during the term breaks, we went out and had a great time. After senior high, I moved to China and he eventually started seeing his first girlfriend. He thought it'd be a great idea if the three of us went to his prom together. Actually it was quite awkward for the girlfriend and for me as well.

It didn't happen in college either, as we were in different stages of our lives and interested in different things. One of us was always in a relationship with someone else. While I dated two of the worst Asian boyfriends one could ask for, he dated like the only girl in his entire engineering class for a staggering four years. She dumped him via email and he regretted wasting four years and the passed up opportunities to go out with someone else.

During the last 2 or 3 years, I often thought about catching up with Shane and seeing if there was something there still. So we met up yesterday and it felt like seeing your best friend. We were still totally different people, but there was an unspoken understanding and connection between us. All the bickering from old times, it was like we hadn't been apart for a couple of years. We had a heartfelt conversation last night about how one of us always could picture themselves asking the other one out, but never went for it.

Back then it wasn't so much about our different hobbies and lifestyles. Back then it was more about the fear of making a great friendship very awkward. Maybe in the back of mind, I'd sort of assumed that we'd wind up together at some point, when we were ready. I guess we both assumed wrong. That chapter is closed now and I don't think that we'll get another shot at it, as we will be in our thirties soon. Someone will get married or have kids by then. We're idiots obviously. We're not Rosie Dunne and Alex Stewart obviously.

Second Chances (Pt. II)

I wouldn't call Stan a close friend. As a matter of fact, he isn't close to anyone, because he only cares about himself. He is an only child of separated parents whose lives revolve around him. Right now he is practically living off of his inheritance, although his parents aren't dead yet. My family can't understand why I'm helping him, since he seems like a lost case. I can't expect him to be grateful either, he never learned about gratitude. One day he'll find a job, get his life back on track, but he won't remember that he owes me big-time for it. He'll believe that he did it all on his own, while I was being a pain in the ass always pushing him to do things he wasn't comfortable with. Even more annoying than his mother.

Back in senior high school, Philipp and I were close friends. I did most of his coursework, but he failed his final exams anyway. Maybe people who don't want to be helped, don't deserve to receive help. To me it has never been about who is deserving and who isn't. It's not about ever getting a thank you in return, because you most likely won't. I feel like I need to help, because it would've been nice if I've had someone when I needed them. Someone who would've been there and done what I'm doing right now.

However, I haven't really had a person like that in my life, when life was tough. There used to be Alex S. and Mary, but I lost Alex early in the process. It's everyone out there fending for themselves. I'd like to know that there are more people like Alex out there helping others who need a second chance. Starting with me. It's what I have to do, even if it seems pretty pointless. My Grandpa would've been proud of me, that's all I need. All this time he's been watching over me, I can feel it. My life has been changing for the better, but I can't ever forget how I got there. It's my turn to give something back.