Fate

Friday nights are tough. This Friday was tough in particular, because the entire Asian crew went home for Lunar New Year. I still believe that Mickey does have feelings for me, just not enough to make a move and risk everything. And of course there is the girlfriend situation. Darren teases us a lot about it. Darren doesn't even know half of the story. Mickey and I hang on the phone for hours, when he is on business trips or when his roommates play cards without him. I'm scared of the day when Mickey announces his engagement. Since Darren has gotten married a couple of months ago, Mickey is the last guy standing. I don't want to lose him, but I obviously can't say anything. It's tough.

Nolan got himself hospitalized this week. I'm guessing he mixed pills with alcohol and poisoned himself by accident. He'd never admit it though. One time he dissolved pain killers in red wine and drank it right in front of me. This guy seriously lives in denial.

Percy is on sick leave due to mental instability. I'd already known before Killian walked around telling everyone about it. People can be cruel sometimes. Thank God I didn't get involved with Percy last year. Everything happens for a reason, even if I don't see it at the time.

It will get worse before it gets better

Preston looks like a member of a boyband and I'm not into that look. I never noticed him before. It was the most random thing ever and I didn't feel like it at all. Like my life wasn't complicated enough. Now I have to worry about people finding out. I bet they already have.

After spending the holidays by the Aegean Sea and in my old home England, I returned to Bavaria with lots of new energy and confidence. That lasted for a week.

Nolan got fired by the end of my first week back at work. I believe he is an alcoholic and addicted to pills. I'm not gonna listen to the same old shit over and over again. And maybe I want to believe for a minute that there is no evil out there and that he only has himself to blame. I'm not ready to get pulled down again, I can barely hang in there myself.

People that I used to be close to have put their guards up, while other people aren't who I thought they would be. At first I hoped it was only a little paranoia, but unlucky for me it wasn't just in my head. 

Killian and I used to talk or text all the time. Now I can never get ahold of him and when we do run into each other, he acts like a stranger. This usually means that you somehow managed to offend him. He will spread the news that you aren't trustworthy or something. The sad thing is that I actually do care about Killian. He is one out of two co-workers that I will miss if I were to leave this place. 

I have no idea what I'm doing exactly. I just know that I have a job to do. Losing Greg, Melania, Killian and Nolan all within a month is a good reminder that I'm not here to make friends. Or maybe it's not losing if you never had it to begin with. It gets harder to remain excited about work, when you have absolutely nobody there that you're looking forward to seeing. It's not like Mickey and Wes are around that much.