To some of us, first impressions mean everything. Once the mind is made up (subconsciously), there are no real second chances.
Yesterday Ems and I talked about the difficulty of asking people out on a date, which can be particularly awkward in German language. Even more awkward for an introvert girl like me, needless to say. All I wanted to know from Ems was: If I asked a person out, would that person understand that I was putting myself out there and not trying to be friends? Ems then shared some valuable advice which really surprised me. He thought I was too scared of a possible negative outcome, he matter-of-factly pointed out the three options that I got.
First, I expect to get rejected. I can try to put up an emotional wall beforehand - as high as possible - and the rejection won't affect me that much, since the person and I aren't that close anyway. Second, I expect the person to be glad I asked, whether they actually show it or not. If it doesn't work out, it's not because I did something wrong, but because they didn't deserve getting to know me and my "awesome" personality. ;) Third, I suggest something I know the person really enjoys doing and probably won't say no to, it will be more subtle and also appear less like an actual date. I knew that Ems was the right person to talk to, before we had this conversation, I just didn't know how right it was and how much I needed a conversation like this. I'd been insecure and guarded all my life, I'd never known how not to be all that. Ems finished his three options off with a nice little quote from Les Brown: "You must be willing to do the things today others won't do, in order to have the things tomorrow others won't have."
People think of Ems as some insensitive, hyperactive hip-hop rapper, who doesn't know when to stop talking and who doesn't seem to fit in. I used to believe that too, when I first met him in May. But he has changed since, he has been willing to put in some real effort. These days he is still bubbly, over the top enthusiastic and chats about weird stuff, but he is also fearless and funny and observant. There is more to him than hip-hop and weirdness, and it shows if you give him a chance. He pays attention to things that no one else would pay attention to. I have enough people in my life who moan all the time, it feels liberating to laugh for a change.
I also want to mention Kate whom I met around the same time as Ems. She wrote me a very unexpected Christmas card last week, which was so long I couldn't help expecting something very corny and cliche. But it simply said: "Last year I was going through a rough time. On the second day of the weekend we first met, I just couldn't bring myself to cheer up. And I felt like you took notice. Knowing that somebody cared, it meant the world to me." I gotta admit that I have no idea what she is talking about. I can only recall keeping the distance, so Stan could flirt with her. [They sort of started dating recently, on their second attempt.^^]
Second Chances is about a guy who managed to convince me of looking beyond the surface and giving others the benefit of a doubt, and about a girl whose words made me want to be the caring person that she thinks I am. It's a wonderful message and I hope to live up to it from now on. So thank you, Kate and Ems, for inspiring me to be better. [I'm sorry Second Chances is such a corny and cliche story, it's honest and real.^^]
Yesterday Ems and I talked about the difficulty of asking people out on a date, which can be particularly awkward in German language. Even more awkward for an introvert girl like me, needless to say. All I wanted to know from Ems was: If I asked a person out, would that person understand that I was putting myself out there and not trying to be friends? Ems then shared some valuable advice which really surprised me. He thought I was too scared of a possible negative outcome, he matter-of-factly pointed out the three options that I got.
First, I expect to get rejected. I can try to put up an emotional wall beforehand - as high as possible - and the rejection won't affect me that much, since the person and I aren't that close anyway. Second, I expect the person to be glad I asked, whether they actually show it or not. If it doesn't work out, it's not because I did something wrong, but because they didn't deserve getting to know me and my "awesome" personality. ;) Third, I suggest something I know the person really enjoys doing and probably won't say no to, it will be more subtle and also appear less like an actual date. I knew that Ems was the right person to talk to, before we had this conversation, I just didn't know how right it was and how much I needed a conversation like this. I'd been insecure and guarded all my life, I'd never known how not to be all that. Ems finished his three options off with a nice little quote from Les Brown: "You must be willing to do the things today others won't do, in order to have the things tomorrow others won't have."
People think of Ems as some insensitive, hyperactive hip-hop rapper, who doesn't know when to stop talking and who doesn't seem to fit in. I used to believe that too, when I first met him in May. But he has changed since, he has been willing to put in some real effort. These days he is still bubbly, over the top enthusiastic and chats about weird stuff, but he is also fearless and funny and observant. There is more to him than hip-hop and weirdness, and it shows if you give him a chance. He pays attention to things that no one else would pay attention to. I have enough people in my life who moan all the time, it feels liberating to laugh for a change.
I also want to mention Kate whom I met around the same time as Ems. She wrote me a very unexpected Christmas card last week, which was so long I couldn't help expecting something very corny and cliche. But it simply said: "Last year I was going through a rough time. On the second day of the weekend we first met, I just couldn't bring myself to cheer up. And I felt like you took notice. Knowing that somebody cared, it meant the world to me." I gotta admit that I have no idea what she is talking about. I can only recall keeping the distance, so Stan could flirt with her. [They sort of started dating recently, on their second attempt.^^]
Second Chances is about a guy who managed to convince me of looking beyond the surface and giving others the benefit of a doubt, and about a girl whose words made me want to be the caring person that she thinks I am. It's a wonderful message and I hope to live up to it from now on. So thank you, Kate and Ems, for inspiring me to be better. [I'm sorry Second Chances is such a corny and cliche story, it's honest and real.^^]
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