Friendzoned (Part VI)

Winter is coming, I've been sleepless and appetiteless lately. I have this picture of myself standing alone in a crowded street at night, while heavy snow is landing on my head. Winter may already be here.

A divorced colleague of mine complains about not having a special someone in his life, not knowing what to do on a Sunday afternoon. I don't mean to be harsh, but if you feel empty when you're on your own, you aren't gonna be fulfilled when you're with someone.

I had another date-like experience with Stan yesterday. It felt like there could be something there, although nothing happened again. When I look at him right now, I don't regret taking it slow. Despite the chemistry, I still don't know anything about him. Pansy just told me that Stan wasn't gonna go out with us next weekend. I didn't ask where he would be instead. Maybe he was visiting his family, maybe he had other plans. But next weekend suddenly didn't seem fun anymore.

I know this sort of feeling, it can't be happening again. If this is a side effect of feeling alive, then I'd rather be dead inside. How hard will it be in a couple of weeks or months? It's just too hard, I can't deal with it.