The heart wants what it wants. Or is it the hormones?
It's been a while since I've had such a hard time following through with my own rules. It's bad timing, it's personality differences, it's my own issues, most importantly it affects a new group of friends that I can't risk losing. Coming into this group, neither did I expect nor did I want to meet someone. I knew I'd mess it all up, it most certainly wouldn't be worth a shot.
But here we are now - struggling. This is the first time in a long time that I feel a little bit alive again. We have great chemistry I think. Maybe being able to hang out as friends is better than having nothing at all. By the end of next week I'll know if I'm doing the right thing. I hate to wait this long. Suddenly experiencing all kinds of confusing emotions is overwhelming, although not entirely in a bad way.
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