Nothing to lose

A year ago all that mattered to me was money and a job I didn't hate. That's how I took the job and moved all the way to Bavaria. After a very short time I realized that it wasn't enough. I got paid well, yes. I didn't hate my work, yes. Was I lucky? Very much. Was I happy? Well, I got nothing to lose.

The only thing that kept me going was a boss I believed in. I believed that Len knew what he was doing, Len could teach me the real stuff without even being around much, Len was going to have my back. I believed that he knew I was a loyal member of his squad, because this squad was all I got. Nobody else gave a crap about me.

Times are rough right now, but they will get even rougher. I'm working my ass off day and night, very often it isn't enough. The only person who remotely appears like a mentor to me is Aiden. Aiden's office is in a different building, he is just as busy as the big bosses, he is under the same amount of pressure and he gets a lot of shit from all directions too. But he is trying to keep his humanity.

Not only do I have to build my positive energy up everyday, since I get crushed almost everyday. I am also trying not to lose faith in Len who gives me nothing but negativity everyday. Somehow I manage to find courage and comfort after getting crushed again. Somehow I know that circumstances won't change for the better, no matter how hard I try. I can change the way I work, but I can't change others and the way they treat people. I am here, because I'm not ready to quit my job without a fight.

I guess when you accept a gift, you have to give up something else. In my case it's one boss for one Wyatt or something.

Wyatt is working on a project in my hometown area. Every Friday afternoon he heads back and we get to see each other all weekend. There is something special about Wyatt. He has a lot of qualities that I admire and he looks at me like I'm the only girl in the world. I wish I could still say that I have absolutely nothing to lose. Am I lucky? Very much. Am I happy? Never been happier.