Thursday, December 19, 2013

Heart of stone

Okay, it's not like Ian is my type or anything. Ian is the hot guy that probably wouldn't notice me if we were still in highschool. I can smell the trouble from a hundred miles away. Do I believe he suddenly might be interested? Possibly. Do I believe he might be the real deal? Are you kidding, certainly not. Would I go out with him if I got asked? Not entirely out of the question.

I've also been taking it extremely slow with Stan. And now I know why. I did like him from the moment we met, but what difference does it make? Do I believe he is the real deal? Most certainly not. Are his texts starting to get on my nerves already? Probably. Do I feel trapped (before anything even started)? Maybe a little. Stan is a very private person, Nev thinks I'm the only person Stan has opened up to. I don't think that's true. We may be talking all the time, but I still don't know anything significant about him. I don't think he knows what he is dealing with and how to handle what's coming. I'm not the one for Stan, that's for sure.

At no point have I lied to anyone. I've always been open about not looking for anything serious. I don't necessarily feel guilty, though I do feel like I should be. I feel like I tricked everyone, except for Nev. For a brief second I felt a little alive again, now I feel more trapped. We all wish we could fix what's broken. But the heart is stone-cold and stone won't melt.

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