Not angry enough

I knew something was off, I just couldn't put my finger on it. Something didn't feel right and I should've listened to that gut feeling. I was bored and needed something to keep my mind occupied. I had gotten used to getting things my way. Then it suddenly became very clear that some things were just not for me. Yes, it seemed a little harsh and embarassing at first. And yes, I felt kinda lost too. Had nothing to lose anymore. Didn't know who I was anymore. Is it okay to admit that? It is okay... for five minutes. Because I hate being vulnerable and I'm at the top of my game when I'm angry. When all the other distracting feelings are gone, anger is the one thing that keeps me alive and going.