I thought I'd be happy (IV)

The truth is I haven't been happy for far too long. I've forgotten how to be happy and how to show it. I've always had difficulty expressing emotions. Over the years it got worse. Sometimes I act like a robot my colleagues say.

The last few years have been emotionally draining. I want to move past them like they never happened, but I need more time to adjust. You don't move past years of problems and suddenly be a totally different person.

After I've finally gotten over the Percy thing - it's still a little awkward for me - Cory is trying the exact same thing like Percy. He pretends to be into me, when he actually isn't. The only difference is he is way more dramatic and over-the-top than Percy, but they all are fake in the same way. What I hate is that they know how unhappy and vulnerable I am. People who still try to pull off this crap are plain mean and self-absorbed. Before this Percy crap happened I wasn't exactly happy, but I was fine. Why can't they just leave me alone.

Cory is even worse. He thinks he can increase his popularity by telling both Sid and me bullshit like "You're my favorite. I don't get why people appreciate the other girl more than you, you've done so much for all of us. Obviously I like you the most." Cory is the worst, because this might create tension between some of the girls at work.

Yesterday the Asian guys and I went shopping in Ingolstadt Village. Sometimes it feels like Mickey does like me a little, even though he has a gf. We all got separated in different stores several times, Mickey always made sure to find me again. On our ride home, Mickey was the only one who stayed awake to keep me company. After I dropped the guys off at the dorm, I went to get a cup of coffee in the kitchen. Mickey came looking for me. As the others started playing cards, Mickey ran after me to my car and gave me some Asian snacks.

I do get a little sad when someone mentions his gf. But I know we wouldn't work anyway. We might live together in the dorm next year. It would be crazy to endanger the thing that we got going. I don't even know for sure if there is anything there. It's probably nothing and not even worth mentioning.