AFC watch

So I've been watching all the Arsenal games since Özil joined them. (Haha this kinda reminds me, I'd also started watching Real three years ago.) The fans' reactions to the arrival of "The Wizard of Öz" have been so over the top, I was worried they were going to smash his head if he didn't work his magic every day. Özil wasn't gonna win a trophy all by himself obviously.

People liked to think that C. Ronaldo needed the assists from Özil, it actually worked both ways. Less assists for Özil without someone like C. Ronaldo. But Özil's presence may have lifted the spirits of the entire North London club to a new level, everyone has been working and fighting harder. Arsenal is top of the league for the moment, which is impressive. Let's hope this winning streak will continue on. The Wizard himself needs to reach his full potential, then this could be the beginning of a great season.

Following Premier League now because of Özil

As I just said a few days ago, it was about time to find a new club. I was quite hopeful it'd be Manchester United. Monday night it was announced that Mesut Özil was leaving for Arsenal. My initial reaction was shock and unhappiness. It seemed such a step backwards moving to one of those clubs that got rejected by everyone this season. Though no top players signed up for ManU either, at least they got a history of success and recent trophies. Even Chelsea would've been a better fit, since Özil's mentor "the special one" was already there.

Then I heard about the reactions in Spain and the UK. Fans and players of Real were heartbroken, people in London were over the moon. It was really emotional. I never anticipated how popular a German footballer could be in both La Liga and the EPL. The Arsenal idea eventually started to grow on me, when I realized that Özil might become the star of a club where people would adore him. I haven't been interested in the EPL for a while, that's about to change.

If Miley Cyrus only did country music,

she'd probably be one of my favorite contemporary country artists. Back in her Disney days she went with the pop rock flow, now she's doing electro pop. So unnecessary. When she joined Taylor Swift for a Fifteen performance at the Grammy Awards in 2009, everyone could hear this was what she was born to do. She could be an even better country pop ambassador than Taylor is - and Taylor is a phenomenal singer-songwriter - but Miley Cyrus has this natural country twang a lot of people would actually kill for. It's a mystery to me why she doesn't leave autotune to others who don't have a voice like hers. I don't particularly care for her I'm-all-grown-up-and-wild-now reputation either, it seems a little too forced. Country music is traditional, but will never get old. From George Strait to Hunter Hayes, I love to listen to them all. Isn't her dad a retired country musician as well? Too bad, but it's never too late! Check out her rendition of Dolly Parton's Jolene, I'd totally buy this song.

 

Real Madrid 2013/14 squad is insane

Having been an Özil supporter for many years, it's hard for me to watch him get treated like that. If Coach Ancelotti likes Isco and Bale so much, that's good for him. He just shouldn't keep the hopes of Özil and di Maria up, tell them how it is. Of course we all know what those two are capable of, but don't get delusional. There's just no way Isco and Bale are gonna rot on the bench after spending a fortune on them. They sold  Higuain and Callejon, maybe it's time to let go of more offensive players they don't value anymore.

I also don't like how they bought Casemiro and Illarramendi, as they already have Kedhira, Modric and Alonso playing on the exact same position. It may only work out as long as Alonso stays injured. He'll be back eventually, and then what's Ancelotti going to do? That's not even the worst. They also added returning youngster Carvajal to their growing squad. He is known to be an outstanding right back, so Arbeloa might actually be used as a left back. Most world class teams struggle to find 1 decent left back, while Real Madrid has a bunch (Marcelo, Coentrao, Nacho). Utter waste of talent.

I even feel kinda sorry for goalkepper and skipper Casillas, whom I never particularly liked. A living (32years old) Real legend doesn't deserve to be degraded by his childhood club, it's kind of humiliating. It may be best to move on from Real if he wants to make it to the World Cup. It's unbelievable how people get treated in Madrid. Spending 100 Million Euros on one single player, that certainly shows how much they appreciate the squad they already have. They're not expanding their established team, they're building a new team from the ground.

There has been some similar controversy about Bayern, concerning Götze and Alcantara, although it wasn't as over the top as the Real Madrid issue. People were questioning if buying those two was really necessary. We won't find out anytime soon, since both are injured all the time. I feel bad for them, however, their injuries may as well have solved Bayern's first world problem.

UEFA Super Cup 2013 Bayern vs. Chelsea 2-2 (penalty shootout 5-4)

OMG I almost had a heart attack. The entire game was intense! I was certain that Chelsea was winning again. Congratulations to Bayern for never giving up!

Mizon Snail Recovery Gel Cream Review: Real vs. Fake

First of all, I'm not gonna explain in detail why I'm not grossed out by snail extract. When it comes to skin care, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. I needed some time to get over my own fear, but there really isn't anything creepy about it. Now I can't live without snail products. I bought the real one from "Royal Wellness" on Amazon Germany for about 12 Euros (~16 US$) and the possibly fake one from "ideaseller_kr" on eBay (South Korea) for 6 US$. I'm not saying it definitely must be fake, I'm just strongly assuming. There can be fake products on Amazon too, I did receive fake Missha Perfect Cover BB Creams No. 21 and No. 23 from Amazon UK back in April. It always depends on the individual seller if the products are genuine or not.

1. Package:

From color tones to writings, the packages appear to be identical. It was very hard though to pull the silver Mizon Sticker off of the fake one (right), I had to destroy the sticker to open the carton. The real one (left) opened easily.

2. Tube:

The real one (left) has sharper edges on the top, while the fake one (right) has quite round edges and a slightly smaller tube. I have compared both tubes to photographs on www.mizon.co.kr and http://en.koreadepart.com,  realizing that the edges are in fact sharp and not round. There are also differences in colors, as the fake one has a darker pink color and the writings are darker and more visible. [Don't get confused by the big white sticker on the left tube, it's the address of the Amazon seller I bought it from.] They don't have the same caps either, but you can only tell by observing closely.

3. Texture:

Left (real) and right (fake). The texture seems to be very much the same. You can barely tell the difference by looking at and touching it. Both are made of some kind of translucent, water based gel consistency. They feel sticky at first, but absorb quickly and thoroughly, leaving no sticky or oily residue whatsoever. 

4. Scent:

The real one has a little bit of an artificial smell to it, it reminds me of glue. Some people say it smells like plastic. However, the smell disappears right after applying it, so no worries. The fake one has no particular scent, no matter how long I sniffed.

5. Effect:

I've been using the real one as the last step of my skin care routine, applying it after my cleanser, toner, serum or moisturizer and eye cream. It keeps my skin hydrated during day or night. Since I have combination skin (dry spots, oily t-zone), I can tell it works well on both, making my skin firmer and smoother than it was a few weeks ago. I mainly use it to treat breakouts and red spots. It makes fresh breakouts vanish incredibly fast (in a few hours up to 1-2days), but it also heals and brightens older scars and redness if you use it for a longer period of time. I'm not sure if it reduces wrinkles and  fine lines though, I do have fine lines around my under eye area and I haven't noticed any significant improvements. As I've received the fake one today, I can't say anything about the effects yet. Maybe I will update this in a couple of days.

Top 5 Jogi-Löw-And-Bierhoff Excuses...

...Why We Can't Win The World Cup Or European Championship (like ever):

1. "Never in the history of World Cups has a European team won in South America."

The heat, the humidity, the long distances, the whatever and whatever. Might all be true. Did we win it in our own country then? The UEFA recently decided that it'd be a great idea to host the Euro in several countries simultaneously. So what about the travelling and unequal climate conditions?? Remember the Euro in Poland & Ukraine? It was only 2 countries, but there was a lot of travelling back and forth thousands of miles. Needless to say: Best of luck with 20 hosts, UEFA! Thanks for helping Coach Löw create more excuses.

2. "Defense is important, but we stand for magical attacking football."

Personally I didn't feel like cheering, when we defeated Greece 4-2 (Euro 2012 quarter finals). Those results just didn't meet our standards. We only made it to the semi finals and then got knocked out again. A few months later, when we turned a WC qualifying game 4-0 lead against Sweden into a 4-4, I wasn't as surprised as many people were. Last week we embarassed ourselves in another friendly with Paraguay (3-3), though all the first-team regulars except for Schweinsteiger were there and played. Attacking or defending, we basically can do neither. Paraguay grabbed 3 out of 4 chances, while we scored also 3 out of 20ish (!). We didn't even win the game to hide our defense flaws. Honestly, a last minute 4-3 win still would've given me a lot to write about. At this low success rate we would score 0 goals if we got 5 chances, I'm not sorry.

3. "Bayern & Dortmund made it to the Champions League Final this year, however, half of their regulars weren't German nationals."

Seems like Barca and Real don't have any foreigners! If I remember correctly, C. Ronaldo, Mesut Özil, Karim Benzema, Raphael Varane, Marcelo, Sami Kedhira and Angel di Maria are key players of Real Madrid. Whereas FC Barcelona has Dani Alves, Alexis Sanchez, Javier Mascherano, most importantly Lionel Messi, and newly arrived Neymar. Wait a minute, those guys are not from Spain? How did Spain win 3 major trophies in a row? What else you got, Mr Bierhoff.

4. "The Spaniards have played together since childhood. Our team is still very young, their development has not ended yet."

Our U21 team won the Euro back in 2009, so it's safe to say the majority knows each other very well. I feel bad for the likes of Philipp Lahm and Miro Klose, who aren't getting any younger. Maybe we won't find a left-back and a striker like those two in another 30 years. (I can't wait that long!) A playmaker like Mesut Özil is also extremely rare in Germany. Besides, ever since Julian Draxler joined the team two years ago, no outstanding youngsters followed up. We've heard the young-team line since 2006, there is no such thing anymore. Other nations call us "the best national team that never won anything." Thanks I guess for acknowledging that? We should all be grateful being a runner-up for many years. I think it's only fair to honor Coach Löw for being the best national coach who never won anything too. Unfortunately, he won't be remembered for it.

5. "Friendly games give me the opportunity to experiment. We didn't win this game, but I gained valuable insights."

It's been 9 years, next year it's going to be a decade. Even though Löw was assistant coach in the first few years, it's been his strategies all along. We've had enough time to experiment and gain "valuable insights," it's time to take care of our flaws. We got defeated by Italy twice in major tournaments and tied once in a friendly game, nothing in the world can make up for the heartache. We need to prove that we're no longer scared of Italy and that we won't be runner-up to Spain forever. Go the extra mile and show some confidence.

Freundschaftsspiel Deutschland - Paraguay [3-3] in Kaiserslautern

Taktik 4-2-3-1: 
Neuer - Schmelzer, Hummels, Mertesacker, Lahm - Gündogan, Kedhira - Reus, Özil, Müller - Klose

Einwechslungen:
L. Bender für Gündogan (27)
Boateng für Merte (46)
Gomez für Klose (54)
Podolski für Reus (62)
Schürrle für Müller (81)
Jansen für Schmelle (81)

Positive Erkenntnisse:
- Heimvorteil + Deutschland beginnt mit Bestbesetzung
- attraktiver Offensivfußball
- keine Ausreden und Schönreden mehr für Coach Löw
- neuer Denkzettel für Coach Löw

Negative Erkenntnisse:
- schon wieder katastrophale Chancenverwertung
- trotz reiner Offensive nicht mehr Tore geschossen als der Gegner
- schon wieder ungefährlich bei Standartsituationen
- schon wieder katastrophale Defensivleistung, anfällig für jeden Konter

Heute haben wir in der ersten Halbzeit gesehen mit welcher Formation wir in Brasilien antreten könnten. Von den Namen und der individuellen Verfassung her ist es die derzeit beeindruckendste Besetzung. Coach Löw trainiert diese Mannschaft mittlerweile 9 Jahre. Bin ich dankbar, dass wir bei großen Turnieren immer mindestens das Halbfinale erreicht haben? Absolut, das können nicht viele von sich behaupten. Gehe ich davon aus, dass wir nächstes Jahr ewiger Zweiter oder Dritter bleiben werden? Absolut, man gewinnt ein Turnier nur, wenn man hinten stabil steht und seine (geringen) Chancen nutzt. Sind wir noch weiter davon entfernt einen internationalen Titel zu gewinnen als 2006? Absolut, denn da waren wir immerhin noch euphorisiert von der Heim-WM.

Bemerkung an ZDF: Wenn Katrin Müller-Hohenstein wenigstens etwas sinnvolles zu sagen hätte, dürfte sie ausnahmsweise auch mal Oliver Kahn ins Wort fallen. Ein gutes Licht wirft sie jedenfalls nicht auf uns sportbegeisterte Mädels.

That's it?

Pick-up Artist hin oder her, Mutprobe hin oder her. Vertieft in einem Telefonat mit meiner Bank, sprach mich heute ein Typ (brünett, Anfang-Mitte 20) in den Mannheimer Quadraten nach einem PUA Streetgame Schema an. Als ich ihn bat eine Sekunde zu warten, sagte er, er müsse nur rasch was loswerden, fügte ein kurzes Kompliment hinzu - auf das ich nur mit einem verblüfften Danke reagieren konnte - und haute grinsend ab. Das war alles, oder wie?

Zuerst einmal hatte ich damit gerechnet, dass man mich nach dem Weg fragen wollte. Dafür wollte ich zumindest mein Telefonat abschließen. Aber kaum hatte er seinen schlauen Spruch ausgesprochen, war er schon lachend über alle Berge. Hätte ich die Bankangestellte an der anderen Leitung abwürgen und nach seiner Nummer fragen sollen?

In solchen Fällen ist es nur hinderlich, wenn man weiß, wie ein Pick-up Artist operiert. Man kann sich nicht sicher sein, ob ein Kompliment wirklich so gemeint ist oder ob der PUA die Straße runter rennt und Nettigkeiten an alle verteilt, um sein Inner Game zu erhöhen. Aber PUA hin oder her, im Nachhinein ärgert man sich trotzdem, dass man nicht mehr aus der Situation gemacht hat. Sowas ist mir auch noch nicht passiert.

Windstille

下雨吧！别折磨人了。伸长着脖子等雨、等风。

Why Philipp Lahm has remained captain all this time

I've been saying for years that Philipp Lahm could play (almost) any position he wanted, even though nobody quite believed me. Not only has he consistently proven himself to be one hell of a full-back and a solid defensive midfielder, recently he has also started scoring goals as a right winger. There aren't many world class left backs out there. Most of them end up playing that position in their U-teams, because no one else can. Left backs have to defend and attack at the same time, they have to be fast and good at passing the ball, their left foot has to be dominant (or both feet equally strong.)

You don't have to be a fan to acknowledge that Lahm hasn't been replaceable in the national team since he got discovered. Even after he published his controversial book, "bullied" Michael Ballack out of the squad and was overexposed in the media and pretty unlikeable, there was no way anybody could replace him. I didn't agree with what he did, but people got over it eventually. As a true football fan I have to say that the likeability will increase automatically if you have the skills. Other stuff like the drama, publicity or good looks will matter less. [Side blow at David Beckham fans haha! xD Just couldn't resist.]

In addition to all that, Lahm never seems to catch a flu or severe injuries. I remember him playing with a broken arm back in 2006. You gotta admit, this is a strong point. Some incredibly talented footballers get injured every time they get a little push and have to rest for months to come.

The inevitable

We all will die at some point. When I die I don't mind donating some organs and getting buried at sea. Maybe to the sound of a Rascal Flatts song. I don't like the idea of coffin in the ground.

Die Sterntaler 白色之恋

I am a huge fan of the 1995 J-Drama Die Sterntaler 星の金貨 and was really excited when they produced a remake last year. Unfortunately the story ends completely differently. I've been waiting for the worst case scenario all season and until the last minute. The finale was two days ago, but it didn't happen. T-Dramas just aren't tough enough. I love the theme songs though, this is some incredible music.

Guard up

Something doesn't feel right. This guy had been checking me out for a while, so I thought I'd make a move and talk to him (yeah why not.) Eventually I got asked out (that's the trick.) Since a date (or potential date) is coming up, it doesn't feel right any more. I'm not entirely sure if I'm just imagining things, because I want to believe they aren't going to work out anyway. I wonder if I should give it a shot, or call the whole thing off before it even starts. I'm so messed up, I can't even talk about emotions in my native languages.

I didn't know if there was anything there to begin with. We barely knew each other, we weren't friends, I was totally allowed to talk to him, having nothing - like an important friendship or something - to lose. I thought it was a great idea to get to know each other first, instead of rushing into anything, like I did a couple times before. This not-going-out-yet-but-about-to phase should be incredibly exciting and intense, but it's not. We're probably headed towards friendzone (oh great.)

Skin Care Routine: 3 Ways Of Using Almond Oil

1) Daily Moisturizer:

Facial cleansing pad

First off, I wash my face and use an oil-absorbing foam and start spreading and scrubbing it with a facial cleansing pad. After washing it off, instead of taking a towel, I use a cleansing sponge (it doesn't have to be all dry) and pad it onto my wet face. Then I apply some hydrating cleansing milk with a cotton pad. I mix a tiny little drop of almond oil with my day care cream or moisturizer, which isn't oily by the way, and gently blend it out on my face.

I try not to leave the house without a finishing BB cream (it includes foundation and sun block). There is nothing that causes more premature ageing than the sun or a tanning shop. It also helps to sleep early, drink lots of water, drink less alcohol and avoid passive smoking. I actually find it very hard to get enough sleep.

2) Over-Night Regeneration:
Before I go to sleep, I use one finger tip of almond oil and pad it on facial and body parts which tend to get very dry. If you don't have dry skin, think about the parts that get wrinkles easily. These could be the eye area, the hands, elbows, the neck and the forehead.

When I wake up in the morning, my skin usually looks better than during the day. (Don't rub or scratch the eye area - ever. Pad with your weak ring finger.) Almond oil is a very natural and not very expensive product, because I really don't need much. I've spent loads of money on different eye creams which don't even work. It is supposed to keep the eye lashes hydrated too.

3) Lip Repair:
I have very dry, chapped lips. Sometimes when there is a bit of almond oil left over from my skin care routine, I pad it onto my lips, just like normal lip balm. It absorbs very well, unless I take too much.

Damn V Day

Of course I care about V Day. IF it means spending the day with the right person, who wouldnt? Isn't it just plain cruel to wish someone Happy V Day when there is nothing to celebrate? This is typical Chinese behavior. I'm gonna watch Valentine's Day the movie and enjoy Jessica Biel and Jennifer Garner's outbursts. "Now that's open heart surgery!"

Temper

When we were little, I used to constantly fight with my Dad over everything. Our family could barely have one meal together without the fights going on and on, and ruining the atmosphere. The rest of the family was always stuck in the middle, and we somehow managed to not eat together or eat without speaking to each other for many years. There was no point in pretending we were one big happy family, when we weren't. It never was a healthy environment.

Things changed only in recent years, as my Dad and I both became more mature and decided there was no point in making each other's lives more miserable. Or maybe it was my Mom who had gradually taken over the role of making everyone feel uncomfortable and awkward at dinner. When she was in a bad mood and wouldn't talk to any of us, no one dared to have a good time. No one even dared to say a word. We didn't know for sure who exactly she was mad at, but everybody felt guilty. I could think of a hundred things that I'd done which might have upset her. And we would all be worried if AND when she was going to kill us.

Too scared to say "good morning" (because we'd get ignored), but more scared of the consequences if we didn't say it. Imagine this sort of fear for several days straight or even a month. Of course, eventually she'd get over it and we'd all be like "Thank God we survived!" The next time we'd get this vibe from her, our alarm bells would go off like "Uh oh! It's happening again. What did I do/say this time? Aaah, who am I kidding, I can think of a thousand things that she wouldn't approve of!"

We always talked about how it felt less like torture getting screamed at than getting the silent treatment. But who knows? My aunt is a real screamer. Watching her explode a hundred times per day, I wouldn't trade with my cousin for a single minute. Sometimes I hate how stubborn and Asian my family is. Temper is something we're born with, but I'm trying hard to be better. I believe people can change if they think it is necessary, not if someone else tells them to. People will change if they have already experienced losing everything and don't want to experience it again.

What does this mean

Imagine there is this person that you've practically seen sitting right across the hall for months, but never really have taken notice of. When you unexpectedly get to work on a project together, you actually talk to this person the first time. You hit it off right away and you're surprised he turns out pretty different from what you thought he would be. You probably never even thought about it that much, what kind of person he was. He was just someone who was there, you know, some guy across the hall. You've barely had the time to figure it out, now the project is done, you may or may not get the chance to see him again. It really depends on if you want to. I know exactly why you're hesitating. You're thinking, what if he didn't feel like you hit it off at all. What if he never really been aware of your existence either, and still isn't.

Check out Wong Fu's "This is how we never met", very inspiring.

Over you

People always mistake this for a love song. It's not about lovers or anything like that. Originally it was recorded by country superstar Miranda Lambert. Her husband Blake Shelton wrote it about his older brother who tragically died in a car accident at a very young age. If you have any siblings, you'll exactly understand what this message is about, I tear up everytime while watching Miranda's version. Gotta say, one of my favorite songs of 2012, maybe one of the best country songs of all time. Check out Cassadee Pope's beautiful rendition too. 

Where there is hate, there is love or something

At least you still care enough to hate. Some (negative) feelings may never fully disappear. Time and distance will keep your mind off of them until they don't matter much any more. Maybe I'm not ready to seriously meet someone, which is why I keep sabotaging everything on purpose. I'm definitely not the overconfident / arrogant person I used to be anymore. Do I come across friendlier and more approachble now? I'm not sure, it may take more than just not being arrogant. Do I feel lost and confused? Yes, and it's not a good feeling. Will I get over it? Of course, I'm a survivor type, now tell me what to do. xD

Not angry enough

I knew something was off, I just couldn't put my finger on it. Something didn't feel right and I should've listened to that gut feeling. I was bored and needed something to keep my mind occupied. I had gotten used to getting things my way. Then it suddenly became very clear that some things were just not for me. Yes, it seemed a little harsh and embarassing at first. And yes, I felt kinda lost too. Had nothing to lose anymore. Didn't know who I was anymore. Is it okay to admit that? It is okay... for five minutes. Because I hate being vulnerable and I'm at the top of my game when I'm angry. When all the other distracting feelings are gone, anger is the one thing that keeps me alive and going.

After the holidays

When family and friends are gone, all that remains is the emptiness.

Happy holidays

I've always enjoyed listening to Christmas music and I have to say this is one of the best Christmas LPs ever produced. They make it sound current and not cliche at all. I've been playing the piano all week, my neighbors must hate me. Happy holidays to all of you!

Something is holding you back

Something is holding you back. I know you're too scared to let go of the past, start over and have a real shot at happiness. I have to go now, so I can be free and give it a shot. This isn't about not wanting to wait around for you to be finally ready. You know nobody can solve your issues but yourself. This isn't about having met at the wrong time in our lives. You can't make something work that isn't supposed to work out, not this time. I choose to walk away. I choose to be happy.

Frustrating

We want what we can't have. We want it so bad. We can't remember why we want it. We don't even like it that much. We just can't stop thinking about it.

Are you gonna kiss me or not

I love this song! Especially in the beginning, when they're still at the dating stage, the lyrics seem very interesting. Anyone can relate to that.

My favorite time of the year

Pusheen the cat from http://www.pusheen.com

I'm one of those who totally enjoy Christmas shopping, particularly online. ^^ This year I'm surprisingly on time with having all the presents shipped from overseas and all. I'm so excited, I couldn't resist to buy myself a set of everything I got the girls too... 

Tomorrow is this huge Christmas party. A lot of people wanna show up as Santa, Christmas trees, elfs and reindeers. I think I'm gonna go as an angel and freeze myself to death in a lace LWD. It's certainly hard to keep up with those fearless trees and animals. I'm gonna need help putting that make up on without looking like a clown. I've been practicing and watching YouTube tutorials for a couple days, but I still look hilarious. It's worse than when I bought my first own lipstick. How's that even possible. Back then I looked funny with lipstick all over my face, now I look like on crack and having cried all night about it.

PS: The white angel wings are nowhere to be found, someone must have thrown them out. They can't be hidden that easily, they are quite noticeable. This is a last minute disaster! I got a pair of smaller red wings, do I have to go as the devil instead???

Fast or not at all

Seriously, a friend of mine has celebrated his birthday 2 weeks in advance, since he believes the world is going to end on his actual birthday (12/21). If it really were true - which it's not - I'd wish for a quick and painless death. Why would we have to suffer? There's just no point. Whenever I have to face a difficult chapter in my life, whether a bad thing happens or a good thing does not happen, I know it is somehow meant to be. I struggle, but I try to remind myself it'll be over eventually and maybe I'll walk out of it stronger and better prepared for what's to come. Maybe I'll know how to handle myself when it really matters (the next time or something). The world can't just end like this, it can't be all for nothing.

Haven't made your mind up yet? Then think faster!

Begin Again

Moving on

If things were really meant to be, they shouldn't be so hard, should they?

I had gotten my heart broken a few times before it occured to me that I had to do something to not let it happen ever again. That's how I wound up with a rebound. It was simple, it was comfortable. I was allowed to just be myself, or try to become the person I wanted to be (someone who makes relationships work) with no pressure at all. There were no such things as jealousy, nagging, or huge arguments whatsoever. It was like nobody even cared. They don't call it rebound for no reason. When that also came to an end, I decided to be on my own for a while and not get involved with anyone I couldn't see spending my life with. 

Of course I didn't wanna be the couple that was fighting all the time, but I'd really missed having that sort of spark and excitement. Until recently, I'd never asked a guy out in my life. People kept telling me it was no big deal. Furthermore, I had never gone on a date unless I really liked that guy already. 

So that's something I have to figure out as well. When I get asked out, I know for a fact that the attraction is mutual. (Unless I mess it up on the date.) Now that I am in charge asking someone out, there is absolutely nothing I can be sure of. Why does it have to be so hard? I'm not saying everything has to be obvious and laid out in the open, but a little more straightforwardness wouldn't hurt, would it?