Temper

When we were little, I used to constantly fight with my Dad over everything. Our family could barely have one meal together without the fights going on and on, and ruining the atmosphere. The rest of the family was always stuck in the middle, and we somehow managed to not eat together or eat without speaking to each other for many years. There was no point in pretending we were one big happy family, when we weren't. It never was a healthy environment.

Things changed only in recent years, as my Dad and I both became more mature and decided there was no point in making each other's lives more miserable. Or maybe it was my Mom who had gradually taken over the role of making everyone feel uncomfortable and awkward at dinner. When she was in a bad mood and wouldn't talk to any of us, no one dared to have a good time. No one even dared to say a word. We didn't know for sure who exactly she was mad at, but everybody felt guilty. I could think of a hundred things that I'd done which might have upset her. And we would all be worried if AND when she was going to kill us.

Too scared to say "good morning" (because we'd get ignored), but more scared of the consequences if we didn't say it. Imagine this sort of fear for several days straight or even a month. Of course, eventually she'd get over it and we'd all be like "Thank God we survived!" The next time we'd get this vibe from her, our alarm bells would go off like "Uh oh! It's happening again. What did I do/say this time? Aaah, who am I kidding, I can think of a thousand things that she wouldn't approve of!"

We always talked about how it felt less like torture getting screamed at than getting the silent treatment. But who knows? My aunt is a real screamer. Watching her explode a hundred times per day, I wouldn't trade with my cousin for a single minute. Sometimes I hate how stubborn and Asian my family is. Temper is something we're born with, but I'm trying hard to be better. I believe people can change if they think it is necessary, not if someone else tells them to. People will change if they have already experienced losing everything and don't want to experience it again.