Preston turned out to be the biggest mistake ever. It already felt wrong to begin with, now it feels like it could slowly ruin my life. Every time a co-worker says something out of the ordinary or behaves in a weird way, I get paranoid. Spencer used to light up whenever he saw me, Killian and I used to be kind of close. Today this new Lloyd guy suddenly changed his mind about grabbing lunch and I didn't quite get where that was coming from. Maybe Preston told Spencer about it. Or maybe Eliott got suspicious and blabbed. Eliott had been standing at my hotel room doorstep with Preston right before it happened (although Eliott like everyone else had been pretty wasted). It is paranoia for sure, however this Preston thing won't just go away as time passes. Even if years go by, it can still be a game changer in this company dramedy. I'll just have to keep my cool and not panic like I'm panicking right now.
Sometimes I don't even know who I am any more. I really should be in a good place, I mean I have everything I wanted a year ago. The bad days (or nights) are outweighing the good ones. Every time I'm on a high, I'll go back to my apartment and be on a low again. I can't revel in the high for a little bit longer, it has to be a low immediately. At this rate there are more bad hours in a day than good ones. I probably have this black aura which scares people off. I need to be happy again, otherwise I'll die in the countryside. This place is definitely not where I picture myself dying.
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